How to Answer A Woman's Online Post - Written by a Woman!
When I was in college in the 90s, meeting folks via the Internet was still unheard of. So naturally when my "nerd" friend Steve* met a girl via an online message board, he was the talk of our little social group. The object of his affection was from Australia, so they decided to meet in Hawaii to get to know one another (ooh la la!), and eventually they got married. The whole scenario seemed far-fetched for me, but little did I know at the time I would eventually meet many of my friends online! How times have changed.
Today meeting new people online is just a seamless extension of my offline world, thanks to sites like MIRL. Several of my friends met their soulmates online prior to ever meeting in person.
Here are some quick tips for you GUYS out there who are looking for love, friendship, or to try a new hobby with someone you met online.
Respond to her right away. If she's cute and has a witty post, chances are she's getting lots of responses - but she hasn't heard from YOU yet! If she's someone you'd like to get to know, don't wait. Get that first message in her Inbox right away, and don't delay when she writes you back. If you are really looking to meet someone new and not to play games, be sincere in your correspondence from the beginning.
Do NOT copy & paste! News flash: she can spot your generic script a mile away! Ask yourself why you are still using this boilerplate response. Maybe it's not working for you.
I heard from one friend who recently went back to the world of online dating. She currently has a handful of responses in her Inbox that were word-for-word exactly the same thing she received when she was looking for love online almost a year ago.
Your email needs to sound like it was written just for her, otherwise she won't even read it.
Get her attention and show some personality. For example, the following will not get much attention:
The 4th is better, but still very dry. Joe doesn't sound like he's talking to an actual woman here!
Bottom line: open up a bit and show some personality. Get her attention by responding specifically to some of the things you already know about her - from a post she's written or her profile. Do not try and agree with everything she says (i.e. paint yourself as the perfectly matched person), but let her know where you have common ground.
Be honest about your age. Remember, meeting online should be an extension of your real life. Lying about one's age seems a little fishy in real life - and it stinks online as well.
Include a picture. If you liked her picture, it's only fair that she see yours as well! Even if she didn't send a picture, send yours so she can start to visualize this person she's corresponding with.
What has worked for you when posting online? Guys, any tips to share that have worked for you? Ladies, what would you like to see more of? This week I'd especially like to hear from those of you who have successfully started relationships - platonic or romantic - online.
*Names have been changed to protect the innocent!
Today meeting new people online is just a seamless extension of my offline world, thanks to sites like MIRL. Several of my friends met their soulmates online prior to ever meeting in person.
Here are some quick tips for you GUYS out there who are looking for love, friendship, or to try a new hobby with someone you met online.
I heard from one friend who recently went back to the world of online dating. She currently has a handful of responses in her Inbox that were word-for-word exactly the same thing she received when she was looking for love online almost a year ago.
Your email needs to sound like it was written just for her, otherwise she won't even read it.
- Hi, my name is Mike. I'm in wireless sales. I have a dog, I am 6'0 and have dark hair.
- I think you're so hot. Write me back so that we can get to know each other better
- You seem very cool. I would like to meet you.
- Where have you been all my life. I'm Joe, I am new to this area and trying to meet new people. I found you to be interesting. I live downtown and like to go dancing, eat out, and play golf. Hit me up if you would like to talk more.
The 4th is better, but still very dry. Joe doesn't sound like he's talking to an actual woman here!
Bottom line: open up a bit and show some personality. Get her attention by responding specifically to some of the things you already know about her - from a post she's written or her profile. Do not try and agree with everything she says (i.e. paint yourself as the perfectly matched person), but let her know where you have common ground.
What has worked for you when posting online? Guys, any tips to share that have worked for you? Ladies, what would you like to see more of? This week I'd especially like to hear from those of you who have successfully started relationships - platonic or romantic - online.
*Names have been changed to protect the innocent!
LOL...you are sooo right about the "do not cut and paste" ...I immediately dismiss a guy for not respecting me enough for thinking I am special and deserve to be treated as an individual!
LAwoman, I have all too often been the victim of a super-obvious cut-and-paste! I used to wonder when guys would learn it's all about ME? Thankfully my husband understands this. ;)
greg, here is an awesome article on "exactly what to say." In summary - be yourself. For that first message, try to sound literate (spellcheck!), avoid physical compliments, and bring up specific interests that you share. MIRL's activity suggestion oriented format is perfect for this.
http://blog.okcupid.com/index.php/online-dating-advice-exactly-what-to-s...
I have been trying online dating for about a month now and have found it to be extremely frustrating! I cant get across how special I am to women via typing. I haven't had a response to a single message and I am good looking and include a picture with each one. Perhaps I am being too unorigonal, but I thought that the initial contact was just to exchange info so we can chat and get to know each other. I didnt know I had to "win them over" with my first message... Ugh!! how frustrating... Will I ever find someone????
Adam, you don't need to win her over right then and there, you just need to get her interested enough to reply. Be positive, focus on what she has already revealed about herself in her profile and on what you two have in common. Send a picture of yourself smiling or doing your favorite hobby, and don't give up. You have MANY competitors online - women who do online dating get hundreds of emails in their Inboxes daily. If what you're doing now doesn't work, change your approach, but be yourself. You are increasing your odds of finding that special person every time you try.
My suggestion, Adam, is just focus on having a good time when you post or email. If a woman thinks they'll enjoy being on a date, whether or not there is a real connection, they'll be more apt to respond/meet. The key is to be low pressure about it all. Be optimistic you'll meet someone cool, but be fine if there isn't a match. And keep in mind you may end up liking one of their friends instead.